The tension between art and fear

So this is my blog. And I haven’t written on it in a while. But that is going to change. Because I need to get used to sharing my writing on a consistent basis. It helps me practice what I love, it helps me connect to others, and it helps me refine my place in life. A place I am still working to figure out. 

I have written every day for the past three years. And I have toiled over sharing it publicly because of my own fear and lack of confidence in my own work. But here is the thing. I know I am a good writer. I know I have a story to tell. And I know that my experiences are relatable to others.

So the question then becomes: Is this fear really about what others will think of my work? Or is it about what others will think of me? 

Sharing my writing is a very personal thing. I would love to be one of those people who could write about intellectual topics and historical happenings of the world. But that’s just not who I am. I don’t write because I want to. I write because I have to. And the material I have comes from the life I am living.

I am not a very open person. I am guarded and complex and sensitive. But there is a hell of a lot of emotion running through my veins. And while I don’t talk about my emotions easily, I can write about them with ease. It’s the gift I was given and the only way I can truly express myself in the world. So, as inconvenient and scary and unfortunate that it is - I just need to get used to it.

It’s important for me to share things with others because it gives me the confidence I need to keep writing. It gives me faith that my work will not go in vain. That I can help people. And inspire people. And connect with people who are going through similar things. I am not perfect by any means. But I don’t want to hide anymore. 

One of my most favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I am choosing to let go of my fear and share my work. This means sharing pieces of myself that are vulnerable, raw and underexposed. And I’m not doing it to get any kind of clout or attention. I just want to practice being more open. Practice being more of who I am deep down. 

At the end of the day, life is short. And we really only have one life to live. If there is a way I can inspire others to live more authentically and align their lives with who they really are - that’s what I want to do.

A week in the woods by myself

My trip to France