The past few years have been the most difficult years of my life. Iโ€™ve spent a lot of time living in fear. Saying no to things, to people, to relationships. Iโ€™ve been closed off and full of pain and detached from the world around me. Pushing for answers that just come in time. Aching for solace that can only come from true connection.

A year and a half ago, I fell down a spiral staircase. It happened at a time when I was running away from myself. Trying to act like I was okay when really I wasnโ€™t. It had been 10 months since I found out about my husbandโ€™s affair, and I just wanted to be normal and happy like everybody else. When youโ€™re reeling in the depths of despair and humiliation, itโ€™s much easier to try and shut it all out. To act like youโ€™re impenetrable. To put on a smile.

I like to find corners. To find cracks. To go places other people donโ€™t want to go. I find it interesting. The subtleties that make something unique. There was a time in my life where I sought out perfection. Where I would trade out a plate with the tiniest of nicks for one that was smooth and pristine. I wanted the perfection. I wanted the smoothness. 

I like being human. I like that I can feel. That I can bleed. That I can cry. That I can heal. I like knowing I can learn. Knowing I can take risks. Knowing that I make mistakes. I like that I can evolve as a person. That I can grow and expand my point of view. That I can relate to new types of things and accept new types of people.